Recvd via WA -
A bitingly hilarious piece. Do read on.
India Vs Australia at BGT: The Alternative Report
Australia might have won the test series against India by 3-1. Their first series win against India in more than a decade. But in reality, it was all about total Indian domination throughout the 5 test series.
Rohit Sharma sealed Moral Victory by dropping himself from last test and then telling the world that it's not the end. This is the closest anyone ever has come near Rahul Gandhi in owning Moral Victory.
Virat Kohli trolled the entire Australian team throughout the series. They had 11 people on field for him. But King Kohli royally ignored 6 of them (over 50% of the team) and kept only the bowler, Wicket-keeper and 3 slips in the game. Australians couldn't bowl him or get him out LBW, leave alone forcing him to offer a catch in the outfield. Total Kohli domination with incredible consistency.
Rishabh Pant on the other hand, played on the minds of Australians. Every single time he came to bat, he found different ways to throw his wicket, thereby keeping the Aussies guessing. He did the exact opposite of Kohli, thereby totally foxing the Australians.
KL Rahul opened and then almost opened when Rohit Sharma opened. Rahul once again opened when Rohit Sharma thought it's better to open in front of the media rather than open before the Australian bowlers. Through all this, KL was sublime in his ability to be inconspicuous, even in his presence.
Ravichandran Ashwin pulled off a MSD act to retire mid-series during a lost case test series and caught the first flight back home, instead of helicopter.
Shubhman Gill has been called the Prince of Indian team after King Kohli. He showed the Australians how the Indian Princes would behave. They employ others to do their jobs. Shubhman employed Yashaswi Jaiswal and Nitish Kumar Reddy to do his job and kept company of the King in the pavilion most of the times, doing nothing.
Jadeja was once called a "bits and pieces player" by Sanjay Manjrekar. Manjrekar was trolled badly for that comment. Jadeja finally gave redemption to Manjrekar in this series as he did his little bits as the team went into pieces.
Nitish Kumar Reddy followed the rich tradition of Sarfaraz Khan. Hit a century, turn father into a media celebrity with sob story and then relax.
Mohammed Siraj was the best bowler of BGT. He was on both sides. He was apparently playing for India. But very often he appeared to be the 12th player of Australia. That was no small favor from India.
Washington Sundar was bowler who could bat before the series began. By the end of the series, he had turned into a bowler who wouldn't bowl. Australians couldn't decipher if he was a batter or a bowler.
Rohit did the greatest favor to Australia during the fourth test. By grinding Bumrah to dust, he turned Australia's fourth innings chase in the fifth test into a walk in the park with Mohammed Siraj guiding them to a comfortable victory.
With Gavaskar missing during the presentation of Border - Gavaskar Trophy, it turned into half a trophy or just Border Trophy. Thus technically, Australia still don't have BGT, just BT.
Finally, Rohit Sharma and his boys have found a wonderful solution for India's woes in ICC Trophy Finals. They've made sure India won't lose a third World Test Championship in a row by not making the finals. An absolutely brilliant strategy. Just think about it. Now, Australia can lose the WTC Finals or South Africa might lose it. But nobody can beat India in the 2025 WTC Finals